(In) Dependence
We celebrate independence. Freedom is a good thing. Liberation from tyranny was such a powerful concept that men and women gave (give) their lives for it. Independent. Freedom from...Freedom from totalitarianism, freedom from oppressive government, freedom from inequality, freedom from suffering. Oh if only the last line were true. Freedom from suffering. Alas, it is not to be, especially for Christians.

The thing I'm trying to work out is how to suffer - physical pain or injustice - honorably. For example, how do you cope with another person's anger and viciousness toward you and still glorify God? I have a really sweet friend, Job, who is surrendering himself to the police tomorrow. Job was intentionally accused of something serious, which he didn't remotely do. The guy who first brought the charge has even said he lied (in print), but that hasn't stopped a vindictive detective or an overzealous DA, from proceeding. So, Job goes to jail tomorrow to begin the process of being charged with a crime. What you need to know is that Job has a godly ministry that extends beyond the walls of any church. He impacts broken and hurting people with the power of Christ, and for that he has many enemies. Job's enemies have conspired to do whatever they can to make his life one of humiliation and suffering.

Surrendering to the police tomorrow isn't the only thing he is dealing with today. One of his sons is severely handicapped, so much so that they have hired a person to sit with him for almost 18 hrs a day. Job's church family abandon him recently, his heater and air conditioner went out in his house and had to be replaced, and the list goes on. (Really it does.) Today when I saw him I was taken back to the biblical Job. Suffering. Both men know it first hand. "Man, what a miserable existence," I think. I couldn't do it. I'd snap. Crash! Right off the ol' rails I'd run. There isn't enough power in the universe to keep me living right, if I had to deal with the dump truck load of suffering Job is dealing with. I have a little injustice, and a bit of anger, in my life, but nothing like this.

I asked him, "Are you anxious about any of it?"
"No."
"Really? No hollow feeling? No emptiness? No, 'Man this sucks!'"
"No. I'm really ok with it all. As a matter of fact, during all my trials, I've grown more as a Christian than before I had problems. See, suffering drives people toward God. Suffering, real hurt and pain, pushes people to depend on God, and God alone, to sustain them. During times of suffering, people know they can't get through it on their own, so they desperately grasp at God's power. And the thing is, God digs that because it is there, in that dependent suffering, that God can do some marvelous work. Plus, I count it a blessing that He finds me worthy to suffer for His Name."

It was at this point in the conversation that I wanted to hit him in the head. I wanted him to be mad. I wanted him to yell and scream at the sky and say, "Why God? Why? Why me? What have I done? Why am I suffering at the hands of the ungodly and vitriolic?" I wanted him to say that. I wanted him to feel that because that is what I felt for him. But, as soon as that thought entered my diseased head, Job said, "I mean, Scripture says, 'By his stripes we are healed.' I've found that during the greatest times of suffering I experience the greatest presence of God, and what a wonderful thing that is."

I just want to say, "Crud." I hate being shown a higher standard of living! A standard not energized by "self" but is sustained by a massively creative and resourceful God.

So, today, I'm learning that suffering is healing, suffering is a road to greater discipleship. Today, I'm learning that independence has no lasting power, but rather dependence, a dependence that is in Him - hence the title, (In) Dependence - can sustain even the most broken person. Today, I'm struggling with allowing the Spirit to work on my heart so that no matter how hard life gets I can say, like my friend Job, "just so God gets all the glory."

Ahhh Vacation
I took a week off. Not really, but it sounds good. I like to say it. "...week off." Really, my father was celebrating his 60th birthday and my family had a surprise party for him, and about 50 of his closest friends. So, being Spring Break for the kids, we hopped in the van and drove to Florida for a week. We keep calling it "vacation," but I'm not sure what we did fits the definition.

Vacation means lying in the sun on a beach sipping Mai Tais from a crazy straw, well in my case, its sipping something like herb tea. Vacation means skiing in the Rockies and then sitting in front of a fire while drinking Hot Coco w/ a shot of Kahlua, or in my case, drinking something like...herb tea. Vacation means released from work, liberated from worry and stress. I don't know when the last time you drove 14 hrs (one way) in a van with 3 small children, but stress-less...it's not! But we called it "vacation." It wasn't. It was a "trip," (in more than one way). Vacation - and I looked it up - ultimately derives from the Latin word vacatio, which means something close to "freedom," or "exemption." None of which I was. I was neither free, nor exempt. But that's o.k. I had a great time. My issue isn't about what happened. What happened rocked. My issue is the spin we kept trying to put on it.

On our trip to Florida much was reiterated to me. I learned, or re-learned, some very valuable lessons.
* I re-learned that my brother and his lovely and intelligent wife are two of the most generous people I know. They footed the bill for the trip, fed and housed my entire family, and even provided some free dental care (my brother's profession). They did it all with a sweet spirit and many laughs. They are generous not just to me, but to many.
* I re-learned that my father, who always goes beyond what is needed, who always tries to be the quiet servent, has positively influenced a great deal of people. This was evidenced by their presence and thier comments at his party.
* I learned that middle Mississippi is the center of hicksville, despite what is said about Arkansas.
* I re-learned that time does offer a healthy perspective on issues of hurt and anger. I am no longer feeling the need for all humanity to be ground into dust.
* I learned that a Rastapharian women in Lousiana can talk on a cell phone, cuss a customer standing at a gas pump waiting, ring up my sale, and pet a dog all at one time.
* I learned that despite manufacture's warnings, a prefabricated, fiberglass shower floor can be cut to "custom fit." (What I didn't learn is weather or not it leaks after being hacked.)
* I learned that if I sleep on an air matress, and it goes flat in the night, I won't get up and reinflate it, no matter how hard the floor.
* I re-learned, although doctors recommend my children drink eight glasses of water a day, that much liquid is detrimental to making good travel time.
* I re-learned that Destin has sand that is whiter than white and finer than sugar. It squeaks when you walk on it.
* I learned that no matter how beautifully breathtaking a place, commercial consumerism will find a way to exploit it.

I learned a few other things, but not many. I'm a slow learner. We had a great time on our trip and it got close, very close to feeling like a vacation.