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Helpless?

"I feel like I'm coming out of my skin," she said through her tears. She had been off morphine for almost three days...a physical feat akin running a marathon and a mental feat akin to being locked in a closet for an indeterminate amount of time. The problem was Alex (an alias) had a doctor that had her doped up for more than 8 months. She was involved in a serious car accident which led to major surgeries, and the morphine was utilized to control Alex's pain. More than 8 months using a powerfully prescribed medicine and now she had to quit; but by now she had become physically dependent. Without the morphine Alex was helpless and hurting, yet, with the drug she was zoned out and useless. Not good choices. That was a week ago.

What a difference seven days can make (God created the world in less). So, last night, Alex sat with some very messed, broken, incomplete people and with a smile that betrayed the victory within she said, "I've been morphine free for more than ten days..." You could tell that she wanted to yell it. It was as if her prison bonds had been broken, her iron chains removed. Everyone clapped and cheered.
"God is good!"
"You're in the right place!"
"You can do it!"
"Keep coming back!"

After our Overcomer's Meeting, there was more encouragement as well as a few, "I know those feelings. What you're doing is hard work, but necessary. If you need anything..."

What was truly amazing to me about that sixty minutes on Wednesday was...well, there was a whole lot of things:
*one guy - who rarely shares - told of how this group of "sickee's" rallied around him after his 2 yr old son died; all without his asking to be surrounded with emotional support. He never had experienced community love and concern like that...
*another girl spoke of how she was learning to not play the victim any longer. She no longer acted like the, "blubbering, crying, blaming," wife - laying all the problems at the feet of her drug abusing, alcohol using - but now sober - husband. (Yes, he was a problem...but she no longer will ever play the role of victim.)
*one fella talked about....
*one girl shared...
[Oh, the stories were/are grand and full of hope and there were many transformational testimonies on just this one night.]

Anyway, one of the amazing things about Alex's story and situation is this: In a world and culture of judgment, condemnation, false pride, and self-righteousness, she felt free to come to a church class, on a Wednesday Night, and tell some of her most intimate struggles. She's addicted to prescription drugs and - GET THIS - she came to church for help. She came and sat with a group of people who've walked a similar path, people who've been there. She came helpless, looking for hope from God. Alex came hurting and in need of healing, and last night she sat in a room, and by her presence - testified that God still does miracles.

"Life and death are at war within us," is the very first line in a book by Thomas Merton. The book, The New Man, written forty years ago, is a treatment of humanity, Christianity, a little politics, and a whole lot of how all those things intersect. If you don't know much about Merton, you can read a short bio at: http://www.merton.org/chrono.htm. You have to read Merton understanding he was a bit of an extremist, but there is a wealth of reflective, accurate assessment on life and religion in his thought. I love the following idea:

"The most paradoxical and at the same time the most unique and characteristic claim made by Christianity is that in the Resurrection of Christ the Lord from the dead, man has completely conquered death, and that 'in Christ' the dead will rise again to enjoy eternal life...Christianity without this fabulous eschatolgical claim is only a moral system without too much spiritual consistency. Unless all Christianity is centered in the victorious, living, and ever present reality of Jesus Christ, the Man-God and conqueror of death, it loses its distinctive character and there is no longer any justification for a Christian missionary apostolate [witness]." Merton goes on to say, in a very pointed and accusatory way, that without the key doctrine of the resurrection Christianity has tended to be just a witness/justification for Western culture's economic progress [OUCH!] and not a true witness to the Gospel.

Wow. I feel at once both called out and encouraged. At times Christianity has been an appendix in my spiritual autobiography. It was something I just browsed occasionally, referenced if needed, and used to rationalize an already occurring thought, belief, or action. For example, I'd had my high school trumpet stolen out of the back of my car years ago. I got very upset, angry in fact, and hoped God would punish the perpetrators severely - like in having both legs broken in a fall down a flight of steps! - for their "sticky fingers" and greedy attitudes. See, I knew stealing was wrong on an experiential level, but I used my Christianity to back up an already held belief. Too many years my Christianity was just a moral system - with not much spirituality - and it was a system I used in order to judge and pigeon hole those less "moral."

What I hear in Merton's dusty words are encouraging though. And here is why: although Christianity surely contains moral fibers for life, morality is not the basis - or core - of what I believe. I don't believe that I have to get my life "just right" to be a believer in Christ and the resurrection. (Oh, morality helps in my everyday existence, but morality doesn't save me.) I don't have to have a morally accurate past, a spotless present, or an unimpeachable ethic for the future. Christianity is not dependent on, does not have as its foundation, is not beholden to, being morally good. Religion does. Christianity, in its purest form, does not. At the heart of the good news is: I will never be morally good enough, and that is O.K. with God. Jesus was, and that is the only thing that counts. I'm not asked to be perfect. I'm asked to be faithful....faithful to the one who was perfect - so perfect, in fact, that God raised Him from the dead. I get to share in that, and that is the good news.

As the war between life and death rages within me, I'm going to lose some of the battles. That's a given. But just because I lose some of those struggles doesn't mean God's given up on me. Yes, the war currently rages within me...but the final victory has already been won. My faith tells me that ultimately, life conquers death, love conquers hate, good overcomes evil, and faithfulness defeats sin.