“Change isn’t always bad…” If I’ve said that line once, I’ve said it a thousand times. It is true though. You change a stinky diaper on a baby that screams – and all the people say, “Amen.” Usually the screaming and the smell subside. You change the oil in your car and it makes your engine (if you believe those talking car commercials) speak well of the owner. You change cell service or ISP to get better service or rates. You change channels on TV, the type of cologne/perfume you wear, and the list goes on. Change isn’t always bad, and in some cases it isn’t just beneficial but also freeing. As Cheryl Crow sang a couple years ago, “Change, will do you good.”

I have to remind myself that change isn’t always bad…but sometimes it isn’t easy. Translated that means “change is fear provoking.” Change moves you from the known into the unknown. Last year, we moved from a place and from people we loved, to a place and a people we didn’t know. Unknown, scared, fearful, confused, and eight more adjectives could describe that life-change. But God was in it all somewhere and the change has resulted in a healthier and happier family (and self).

I suppose the fear of “what comes next” is why the Jewish leadership rejected change, when Jesus showed up. There was too much comfort, too much control, too much fear…to allow them to change. Jesus says something about not putting new wine into old wine skins. The movement of God is always in transition. (Notice I’m not remotely suggesting that God’s message or mission have changed…the Cross and Christ are solid.) It is the way in which God chooses to manifest His Spirit - in people and in church – that vary. God spoke to Moses in a burning bush but later changed that approach and spoke to his people through prophets. Even later he changed and showed himself in Jesus of Nazareth. Change isn’t bad, but it’s not easy.

There is a change a’ blowing. It isn’t just in me, although that is happening, but there is change happening around me. Instead of howling at the moon, cussing the dirt, and beating the air, in short, resisting change; I’m attempting to be accepting. Accepting of change, accepting of people, accepting of where God is moving and leading. I love the wisdom found in Reinhold Niebuhr’s simple prayer – “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Yea, sometimes it should be difficult, but…

Right now, ministry is in one of those crucible times; when the pestle and mortar seem to be grinding my spirit into powder. I know! I know in my head that any ministry or help that comes out of me (my life) does so only because of what God does through me. I get that in my head. But human vessels aren’t the same as in animate objects.

It is really hip to use Paul’s vessel metaphor of ministry…well, hip isn’t the right word since the metaphor has been around for over 2,000 yrs. (Ok, maybe I’m just catching up to ministry fashion.) My point is this: clay jars don’t feel. Cracked cups – though they may hold refreshing water – don’t fret over hurting people. Ministry – paid or not - is rewarding and wearisome. Caring for hurting and broken people is exhilarating and draining. And I know that the power to help comes from the Spirit, but lives - healing or hurting - leave an indelible imprint that can’t be ignored.

Right now:
* In a previously wrecked marriage, one of the spouses has yet to realize how out of control they are regarding pills. They show up, half-baked, to a variety of events. The other spouse hurts but can’t “fix” it. I hate what is happening, pray about it often, can’t fix it either, but I still feel it. It makes me angry.
* Another couples 20 something son – got into a fight with his wife some time last week. She went over to her mom’s to cool off and talk it through. He took a bottle of pills, probably to “show her what she made him do;” drove over to the mother-in-laws to display his insane action. No one was home and he died in the drive way. I hate what happened, pray about it, can’t fix it, but still feel it. It hurts my soul.
* One couple I know can’t live with each other anymore – they bring out the worst in each other when together. There has been too much relational abuse, marital apathy, and intentional emotional breakage. They are better people when they are apart. I hate what is happening, pray about it often, can’t fix it, but feel it. It tears at my heart.

So, I heard a sermon today on wanting. “What do you want?” I want to not feel. I want to not hurt. I want everyone to live happy, joyous, and free…looks like that’s not going to happen – at least by tomorrow. This guy who spoke ended his talk with this point: No matter what I think I want, being in the presence of Christ should be my highest priority. If I desire to be with Jesus, long to be where he is, then all the other things will be O.K.

Alright. I’ll try. I’m going to let the first few verses of Ps 63 be my mantra this week, O God, you are my God; I earnestly search for you. My soul thirsts for you; my whole body longs for you in this parched and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in your sanctuary and gazed upon your power and glory. Your unfailing love is better to me than life itself…(NLT).

Maybe tomorrow won’t be so difficult.