Not long for here...
We've been in limbo for the last few weeks. I guess the best way to say it is, I've been in limbo for the last few weeks. As you know, we are about to embark on a totally new journey (ministerially, spiritually, geographically, and emotionally).

Three weeks ago, I was sworn in a Captain in the United States Air Force. It was the whole, stand in front of the flag, 15 other military people in the room to witness, right hand in the air, repeat after me, "Do you swear to uphold, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States..."

That "official" ceremony started a ball of change rolling down hill and it is doing nothing but picking up speed. Now, don't hear me complaining. I'm absolutely not. I'm just being descriptive. A week and a half after being sworn in, I received my REAL orders. Here is the skinny:

The Scott Family will be stationed at Little Rock AFB (located just N of Little Rock, in a small community called Jacksonville). We aren't sure about the housing at this point, but in a few weeks we will have a hard address (we hope). I have to go to Maxwell AFB in AL, for 4 weeks for Commissioned Officer Training (which many jokingly call "knife & fork" school). I leave on the 24th of this month (May) and the family will be moving after they finish school a couple of weeks after.

So, that is our life's direction. Our day to day now is filled with slowly packing our stuff and paring down our possessions. If we will on base, the largest dwelling I qualify for as a Captain is 1400 square feet. And 1,400 sq ft, is small considering all the books we have...and I suppose the children too.

We are really getting excited to start - in earnest - this next phase of our lives.
God is good, really good. His blessings overflow.
Peace, Chaplain (Capt) Scott. And yes, you have to salute!

A new direction
Well, the answer we've been waiting on has finally been revealed. Since January of 2006, I've been waiting on God to answer a crucial question in my - and my family's - life. It has essentially been a 13 month job interview. And after 13 months, the answer to the question of what I'm going to do, vocationally, for the near future has been answered.

Back in Jan of 06, with lots of prayer and through a number of discussion, I applied to the US Air Force to join as a chaplain. Through the most rigorous job interviews - and there was a ton of people and paper work (as only the government could manage) - God has provided. Last week, on Friday, the Air Force called and said, they were ready to finalize the process to bring me on active duty as a chaplain.

This news has been both tremendously gratifying - because we have a new direction for our lives and ministry. However, it is also filled with anxiety - because it means change. And, as many of you know, geographical, ministerial, and family rhythm's aren't as easy to change as your socks!

We are looking forward to what the Lord has in store for us. There are a number of question still up in the air and we are having to adjust our expectation on the fly. What we do know are these things: 1) I will go in as a Captain (with 4 yrs of service - they are paying me for my prior military experience); 2) I will have to go through C.O.T. (commissioned officer training) at Maxwell AFB in Alabama for 4-5 weeks. When? Not sure, but most likely before the summer; 3) Jennifer and the kids are going to remain in the N. Dallas area. at least. until the school year has ended.

That's all we know at the moment. So, I will finish my duties with the two churches I'm working with before June (if not sooner).

I can not say how truly grateful we are to all those who have been there to support the Scott Family, through prayer and encouraging cards/letters, and especially through generous financial gifts. Without you the healing we've experienced wouldn't have been possible.

As things unfold here, and more information is gleaned, I'll pass along what I know.
Ahh, Spring. Budding trees, flowering plants, and runny noses from my allergies. Isn't it grand!

Peace - Jeff

Giving thanks...Cowboys won. Yeah! Turkey eaten...yum. Family and friends visited and hugged on....check; plus warm feelings expereinced. But watching TV and eating all that great food brought back memories of cold Thanskgivings. I loved those cold Thanksgiving days. Is it just me, or are days warmer than 15 years ago. I remember a cold Thanksgiving years ago when Leon Lett screwed up a Cowboy win one Thursday in the SNOW! Cold weather on Thanksgiving is a must! The cold in November is a foretaste of Christmas in December. It is the harbinger of Yule Tiddings, Jack Frost, and the fat man in a red suit. The cold weather outside makes the warm turkey, hot mash potatoes, and Sister Shubert rolls (with lots of real melted butter) cozy... at least, inside the tummy.

But today it is 80 degrees outside. It isn't Christmas that is on the promised air, but spring. It isn't Saint Nick that I envision, but Bob Marley beating out a Rasta vibe under a palm tree in the sand. It isn't chestnuts on an open fire I smell but Hawaiian Tropic coconut oil. Where is the COLD?

I'm thankful for all that I have, and all I've experienced this past year. I'm thankful for all that is waiting in the next 12 months. But, God...if you're listening...can we get a bit of Winter weather here in Texas...where it is hot as ...we'll you know. Thanks.

"Feelings, nothing more than feelings..." I never did like that song, and I know why. Lately, I've realized that over the past 35 + years of my life, I've suffered from what might be called "stunted emotional development." "Fine, whatever," you might say. But for me this doesn't lack significance.

My mother died when I was eight and my father had major issues of his own - trying to raise two fiesty boys and struggling with his own demons. Three guys in one house, with no solid female influnce, resulted in me being ANTI-touchy feely. Meaning: for me, all emotions were suspect. Now, I get the reasons why I never felt anything (emotional detachment, abandonment, etc.). But as a wise man once said to me, "That might explain you, but it doesn't excuse you."

So, over the last year and a half, I've attempted to - and I know this sounds really corny - but I've attempted to identify what I feel. Feelings aren't bad. As a matter of fact, most of them are pretty cool. I love to feel happy, I love to feel excited. There are even aspects of anticipation that feel encouraging. And there is a warm feeling in my heart when my freaky friends at church say the big, four letter, "L" word. (At first I tried to ignore it, but lately, "I love you" hasn't caused my insides to get all rigid.)

I'm beginning to understand that I don't have to play Wack-A-Mole with my feelings, smacking them down every time they pop up. There is no reason to pretend like feelings don't exist. They do. God created humans to feel, and feel I shall.

The only issue in all this is what to do when you feel one of those emotions that suck? When you feel pain in your gut because you hurt for someone you love- what then? When you feel anxious about finances, or the future, and your neck is knotted and your shoulders are up around your ears because you're so tight you could double as a racket ball - what then? Or how about when you're angry at things out of your control, when your head pounds and people around you act insane (or at least different than you'd like) - what then? See, then "feeling" isn't all that grand. As a matter of fact, it is in those times of distress and conflict, turmoil and uncertainty, that truly feeling seems like a cruel punishment.
*I'd rather not feel empathy for my son when he has to get shots - because I know they stink'en hurt and I'd rather he not hurt!
*I'd rather not feel the empty hole in my chest because I don't know how I'm going to make a living in the next three months!
*I'd rather not feel lonely. I'd rather not feel sad. I'd rather.... I'd rather... I'd rather...

Hummm. Much of what I feel concerns tomorrow and a humble rabbi once said, "Don't worry about tomorrow." I take that to mean, "Don't freak out, don't get all up-tight, don't spas out about things that aren't yet real." Take the next moment as it is given to you.

"Yea," I say, "but even the next moment sometimes hurt."
"That's right, " he says, "but there is a healing comfort in those times that brings a peace to calm the sould. See, no matter what you're feeling, I promise to feel it with you." I know I'm not alone in this. I feel His presence.

And with that, I feel like having lunch.

Henri Nouwen, in Sabbatical Journey ponders Jesus' statement, "Whoever is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters." Nouwen says, "These words frighten me. I want to be with Jesus, but often it feels like I want rto be with many others too! There is within me a strong tendency to play it safe. I want to stay friends with everyone. I do not like conflict or controversy. I hate divsions and confrontations among people. Is this a weakness, a lack of courage ot speak out forcefully, a fear of rejection, a preoccupation with being liked? Or is it a strength that allows me to bring people together and be reconciled, to create community, and to build bridges? Jesus also says, 'Do you think that I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I tell you, but rather divsion.' What do I do with all these harsh words? Isn't there enough religous conflict? Isn't Jesus inciting me here to a confrontational life and stirring me up to create separation between people?...I have made an inner decision to keep looking at Jesus as the one who calls us to the heart of God, a heart that knows only love. It is from that perspective that I reflect on everything Jesus says, including his harsh statements...Every time I have an opportunity to creae understanding between people and foster moments of healing, forgiving, and uniting, I will try to do it, even though I might be criticized as too soft, too bending, too appeasing."

What a grand proposal.

"It's 101," my wife said after taking my son's temperature this morning. He was laying next to me in bed. I have no idea what time this morning he came and crawled up next to me, but I could tell he was warm.
"101, hun?" I said, not as much to confirm her scientific readings, but to try and figure out what my next move was.

I had a hectic day before me. A few errands in the morning, a meeting, and then the afternoon was to be filled with a seminar I was supposed to attend, not to mention all the preparation I had for the coming events of the week - a wedding, a Bible Class, and the always present sermon. Plus, laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning the house for my in-laws who are coming on Thursday, cooking for tonight...

"101, hun? Hummmm..."

"Ok, buddy," I said to my watery-eyed, runny-nosed son, "Guess you staying with me today and we'll try and get you into the doctor."

The first thing out of my five year olds mouth wasn't, "But Dad, won't my presence throw off your schedule?" He didn't say, "Gee Dad, is there anything I can do to help you get through your week? "He didn't offer up the, "Oh, I won't be a bother, you just do what you need to and we'll make it work."

No. The first words out of his mouth were, "Is the doctor going to give me a shot?" And before I could utter a syllable, his second line was, "Can I play Lego Stars Wars today?"

"101, hun?"

I suppose sickness does cause you to focus on self. It is hard to focus on anyone else when you are in pain. All types of pain - physical, emotional, spiritual, they all function as recurring reminders to you, of you. Your back hurts when you sit or stand, it is a painful pointing to your own deteriorating fleshliness, your mortality, if you will. Every time you see a yellow traffic signal, you flash in fear back to the crash that crumpled your car and hospitalized the other driver who ran his flashing red.

Pain has a way of focusing - overtly or sometimes vaguely - on the self. That is not always a bad thing. (Let me quickly say, it could become paralyzing it the focus never moves beyond the self). But, pain isn't always negative. My son is sick. He feels lousy. But if he never showed signs or symptoms of his illness, no one would do anything to make him better. The sickness would continue to move through his body eventually causing irreperable damage.

Pain serves as a great indicator in one's spiritual life also. My sin, my guilt, my shame, all cause me pain in my heart; and they eventually push their way into my relationships, making me say and act in ways that I loath. But pain doesn't just hurt, it can help. I don't want to live with the ache. I don't like to exist in the hurt. The pain is a sign, a symptom, that I'm sick. If I didn't feel the pain I wouldn't ever look for a cure. These days I try to embrace the spiritual pain caused by my moral/willful acts and thoughts. I don't embrace it to wallow in it and perpetuate more guilt. I embrace it in order to take it to the Doctor. See, I know the one who heals me. I know the one who makes my heart ache all better. I know the one who can bandage my spiritual wounds and make me whole again. My spiritual pain gratefully pushes me ever further into the forgiving healing presence of God. "He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed." ~ 1 Pt 2:24. And it is when I receive him - in all his gracious fullness -that I move beyond myself to be a minister for others. I love the way Paul talks about this in 2 Cor 1, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." Amen.

“Change isn’t always bad…” If I’ve said that line once, I’ve said it a thousand times. It is true though. You change a stinky diaper on a baby that screams – and all the people say, “Amen.” Usually the screaming and the smell subside. You change the oil in your car and it makes your engine (if you believe those talking car commercials) speak well of the owner. You change cell service or ISP to get better service or rates. You change channels on TV, the type of cologne/perfume you wear, and the list goes on. Change isn’t always bad, and in some cases it isn’t just beneficial but also freeing. As Cheryl Crow sang a couple years ago, “Change, will do you good.”

I have to remind myself that change isn’t always bad…but sometimes it isn’t easy. Translated that means “change is fear provoking.” Change moves you from the known into the unknown. Last year, we moved from a place and from people we loved, to a place and a people we didn’t know. Unknown, scared, fearful, confused, and eight more adjectives could describe that life-change. But God was in it all somewhere and the change has resulted in a healthier and happier family (and self).

I suppose the fear of “what comes next” is why the Jewish leadership rejected change, when Jesus showed up. There was too much comfort, too much control, too much fear…to allow them to change. Jesus says something about not putting new wine into old wine skins. The movement of God is always in transition. (Notice I’m not remotely suggesting that God’s message or mission have changed…the Cross and Christ are solid.) It is the way in which God chooses to manifest His Spirit - in people and in church – that vary. God spoke to Moses in a burning bush but later changed that approach and spoke to his people through prophets. Even later he changed and showed himself in Jesus of Nazareth. Change isn’t bad, but it’s not easy.

There is a change a’ blowing. It isn’t just in me, although that is happening, but there is change happening around me. Instead of howling at the moon, cussing the dirt, and beating the air, in short, resisting change; I’m attempting to be accepting. Accepting of change, accepting of people, accepting of where God is moving and leading. I love the wisdom found in Reinhold Niebuhr’s simple prayer – “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”